Thérèse Hak-Kuhn

founder

“You must have felt it. The earth must have stopped, jolting each of you at that moment when her spirit left her body and transcended this reality." Those are the words Thérèse Hak-Kuhn, 61, of Richmond, wrote about her daughter's passing in 2006. Her surviving children thought you might have felt the same feeling on April 13, 2019—the day Thérèse herself transitioned from the physical to the ethereal. Did you feel it? It was around 9 in the morning while her kids and partner, Paul Castiglioni, sat with her telling stories of her life and adventures. She was a mother. Thérèse's world and life's work centered around her children. It was she who raised all six, Happyanne, Chances, Keegan, Grace, Max and Ocean, to question authority, to stand up for themselves and what they believe in and to do the least amount of harm to others. Though she always insisted she couldn't take credit for how they turned out. She was a birth worker. Her prior education and pursuits pale and take a back seat to her life education and experiences. Since 1992, Thérèse worked professionally with pregnant women as a midwife's assistant, professional birth doula, prenatal counselor, childbirth educator and breastfeeding consultant. She was the Executive Director of toLabor, an organization formed to educate and certify professional birth doulas so that they may help their clients become active participants in their birth. She believed that in every birth, there is room for compassion and respect for the process. She is survived by the thousands of women she trained as doulas across the nation and internationally. She was an activist. Marching for women's rights, immigrants and the protection of our waterways. She boycotted destructive industries that profited from the suffering of animals and always used her privilege to speak out against bigotry and racism. The world lost a giant. Thérèse may have left this realm but her wisdom, compassion and truth lives on in all of us. 

Melanie Headley

Executive Director, Workshop Instructor, Podcast Co-Host

After taking the ToLABOR training in 2008, Melanie developed a CBE curriculum called A Brighter Birth and soon after became a ToLABOR Certified Professional Doula. Following her passion for supporting women and families, she then pursued a certification in Lactation Counseling in order to expand her scope of practice. When Melanie is not working with toLabor and her clients at A Brighter Birth, she serves as a Patient Recruiter and Facilitator for CenteringPregnancy at a local hospital, working to improve birth outcomes within the Richmond, VA community. Melanie is married and is a mother of 4 as well as fully immersed in birth work.

A Tribute to Thérèse from Melanie Headley:

I met Thérèse in 2005, when I was pregnant with my 2nd baby, Alex. My first home birth. My midwife, Nancy, recommended hiring a Doula/birth assistant and she sent me to Thérèse’s Doula Training as a pregnant model. Nancy told me I could feel it out and invite Thérèse to be my Doula if we “clicked” and if I felt so inclined. Meeting her, it took me all of 30 seconds, a few words and a hug to know that I’d need her by my side for that birth, and ultimately 2 more after that. But I had no idea the impact she would make on not only those 3 births, but on my entire life.

Thérèse had a way of seeing people. Meeting them where they were. And giving them exactly what they needed. I’d bet all of you have at least once found yourself in that position with her. Across a table, over her long ago beloved, huge cup of coffee, spread out with pillows on the floor eating sprouted nuts or her homemade cashew cheese, or even snuggled up in her bed, or yours. She was ever present. She was intentional. She was direct. And she was hilarious. There was no half ass, pussy footing around anything with this woman. She heard you, and she even heard the things you could not say. In one breath, she could love you fiercely as well as challenge the hell out of you, especially if you happened to be recording a Doula podcast with her. 

She believed in kindness, and in fairness, in inclusiveness and in the power of lifting people up with love. She believed in me so strongly and mightily that I started to believe it too. Her trust in me brought the courage to do all the hard things set in my path. It took me to trainings, classes, workshops, public speakings, task forces and to so many births. Even standing up here today is possible only because of Thérèse. I’m sure many of you can say the same. That with her by your side, you could do anything. 

Birth worker by trade, teacher via instinct and advocate out of necessity and sheer passion, Thérèse supported, guided and fought for all of us. Her reach spreads farther than I think we’ll ever really know or understand. As a mutual dear friend, Gina Bass put it recently, how did we get so lucky? Out of 7.5 billion people on this planet, how did WE get to be her people? It feels bigger than a privilege, more important than an honor, knowing Thérèse was a gift. 

I have so many stories and moments I’ve shared with Thérèse that I could speak to, but right now, I want to hold tight to all those memories and keep them close. Just like a Birth. And just like she’d give me permission to do. I want the movie of Thérèse to keep playing in my head so that I can revisit her anytime, feel the magic of our story, the way we wrote it. But it’s through all of our stories, all of our own features with Thérèse, kept quiet, or shouted from the mountain tops, that her legacy lives on. 

She did so good. So much good. I used to tell her that I wished I had a WWTD bracelet-what would Thérèse do. But really, we all have one. We’ve learned so much from this giant. The lighter of the way. We’ll think of her when we draw a clear boundary, when we take a moment to care for ourselves in the hardest times, when we have that prickly gut feeling that we need to right a wrong and when we gather our things in the middle of the night to race across town to support another woman becoming a mother. We’ll think of her often and with SO MUCH LOVE AND LIGHT. 

How did we ever get so lucky?